Monday, November 15, 2010

Some people should not practice law!

I recently visited a law office three days before a trial to review documents they refused to produce. It was a one attorney/ one assistant office. The attorney brought me ONE INCH of paper. We produced about 12 inches of his own client's records they we were forced to subpoena. Again, they wouldn't produce records they were required to produce, even after a motion to compel. RIDICULOUS!

At one point, I attempted to explain the organization for their client's records that I was producing. She had no clue what I was talking about and looked at me like I was speaking greek.

A while later, the attorney, whose office was next to the room I was in, came out of his office screaming that he just couldn't take it anymore and left to take a break.

While he was gone, the legal assistant had several visitors who were talking with her LOUDLY about highly personal things (including her sex life with her new boyfriend).

When I was nearly finished reviewing the records, she came to me (at 11:30) and told me she was going to lock me in and leave for lunch. She thought it would be an awesome idea to leave an opposing attorney's paralegal in their office, unattended, with all their confidential files. Two thumbs up for her!

I couldn't leave until the attorney got back (because the legal assistant locked me in). When the attorney finally returned, he threw his jacket in front of me on the table and asked if I found any surprises.  Seriously? Your legal assistant left me here alone, you are an obvious mess, and you ask ME if there were any surprises? How about my total shock that you are practicing law?!


  1. Alt ending number one: attorney returns in drag. While applying lipstick to his hairy upper lip, asks if I have found anything surprising!

  2. Thanks for that one, TDH!

    I imagine his mascara probably was smeared after he took his "break."

  3. I went all the way through and this is the one that made me laugh. :-)