Update

Thank you everyone for your kind emails.  I have had a crazy few months and have somewhat abandoned this blog for lack of time.  This won't be a funny post (I'm in a bit of a hurry), but should be pretty unbelievable to some of you (so, it's worth a quick read).

Life at the office has been crazy!  My litigation team is stable, but the rest of the office... well, the stories could be made into a docudrama.  Seriously. 

Here is a short run-down of events:

One of the attorneys (we'll call him BatCrazy) was having an office relationship with Psycho Paralegal.  Psycho Paralegal quit recently.  Since starting with the firm, BatCrazy was arrested many times, constantly missing court appearances and deadlines.  (Did I mention he was also on meds/ drugs?)  After a recent arrest, he ordered a gun online illegally "for a friend."  The firm fired him.  He broke into the office and went through unlocked computers and did unmentionable things in peoples' offices.  And then he was arrested again (for other things).  Then they took his keys.  (Yep, breaking into the office is just taking it too far.)

With the unrest in the office, everyone is looking for other jobs and people are dropping like flies.  They aren't hiring new people to fill in for the four people that left so far.  So, everyone is running along smoothly (NOT!).  It's only a matter of time before the firm crumbles.  I am planning to stick it out myself right now.  Hysteria breeds hysteria, so I won't join that party yet. 

I hope everyone is doing well!

-Superlegal

Update: Perspective

For those of you following my good friends, Adam and Gina Echols' story, I have a happy update for you! (Click here to read my earlier blog post about them.)

Justice today may need tomorrow's perspective

While I was doing a background check on someone, I came across this photo:

Sunrise

Sometimes...

Sometimes we have bad days.

Forgery is not an option

The other day, one of the newby paralegals came to me and asked how to send something out. I noticed it wasn't drafted correctly, so I mentioned it to her and told her she would need to get the client to re-sign the document. She told me JD filled it out incorrectly. She told me that when she mentioned the mistakes to JD, he asked her to change the document and forge the client's signature.  Paralegal refused and told JD he could forge it, but she wasn't going to. He got angry at her, yelled at her and she changed a couple things on the already signed document.

Importance of mentorship

I came to this profession with no experience, no idea about how the law worked, and no idea I was getting myself into a career. The road was bumpy along the way. I am so thankful that so many people along the way were willing to take their valuable time to mentor me and show me the ins and outs of the trade.  I absolutely would not be where I am today without their help.

A Christmas Story, in legalese

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter “the House”) a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.

A variety of foot apparel, e.g., stockings, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter “Claus”) would arrive at sometime thereafter. The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.

Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as (“I”), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the party of the second part (hereinafter “Mamma”), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g., kerchief and cap.

Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said House, i.e., the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance.

At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter “the Vehicle”) being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus.

Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (hereinafter “the Deer”). (Upon information and belief, it is further asserted that an additional co- conspirator named “Rudolph” may have been involved.)

The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the chimney.
Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations.

Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stockings of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute “gifts” to said minor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)

Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as “lookouts.” Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.

However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!” Or words to that effect.

 (*Not written by Superlegal)

Perspective

I saw this picture recently and was so touched. What perspective we all lack at times!  I have been one of those shoppers, I hate to admit.  I am always stressed to the max, whether it be due to work load or my chaotic schedule. I stress out at the holidays because I may not get the perfect gift for someone, or I may not send enough Christmas cards, or I might not clean our house in time for the next holiday party. How ridiculous those stresses are when, half way around the world, another mom stresses about feeding her children, or a six year old orphan stresses about feeding his younger siblings.

Inspirational Quote of the Day (and a quick story)

Change starts with the brave one.
                                - Superlegal

Secretary update

It has been an interesting few weeks. I've been up to my eyebrows at work (that's deeper than up to your eyeballs, you see). I've had a couple temp-to-hire secretaries and a decision was finally made to hire the latest one. He can't start full time for a while, but good help is always worth the wait.

SECRETARY WAS FIRED!

A short while ago, I realized while I was screaming at my husband about Secretary X for over an hour (or at least it seemed that long to him), that Secretary's ridiculousness had to stop and that I was not going to take it anymore. I reached my boiling point.  Life is way too short to deal with people with terrible attitudes who refuse to do work they are paid to do.  I swear I felt like telling her to go live with the Occupy Wall Street folks down the street in their tents if she wants to soak up other people's money and make them angry while accomplishing nothing! Those are HER kind of people. Anyways, I digress...

So, the next day, I walked into the office, dropped my crap in my office and marched straight into B-Dub's office and told him I was done dealing with her crap!!! (No joke, just like that.) I told them that I was resigning and that I would stick around until they transitioned someone new into my spot. I didn't have a job lined-up, but I couldn't take it anymore.

Then, he called Associate in. I was happy he did because it saves me some time repeating the same crap he also needed to hear.

Then, I made a 45 minute impromptu exit interview speech, which included the following key points:

10 tips to keep off the pounds during the holidays

I think it's safe to say that we all want to be healthy. Some of us will put the effort in, and some won't. I find it especially hard to make good food choices at the office around the holidays because I am a sucker for sweets. It seems like vendors keep the break rooms supplied with petit fours and pastries aplenty. I really wish they would make healthier choices when gifting snacks.

We all should recognize, though, that healthy holiday treats are not in the cards (the holiday cards, that is). With sedentary desk jobs, you MUST defend yourself from those evil calories that attack your health and bring susceptibility to high cholesterol, diabetes and other scary health risks.

Here are some tips to stay healthy at the office during this time of the year without dieting:

20,000!

Thank you to everyone for reading!!

Guess what's NOT on my bucket list?

I've been composing my bucket list lately. It's not a life crisis, just want to make sure I have some goals in order and I make the most of the breaths I have. Really, they're just life goals.

So, that got me to thinking: do you know what's not on my bucket list? These things:

Improper use of the word literally

Lately, I have heard the word literally used inappropriately too many times to count. It aggravates me. Don't use words if you don't know their appropriate function!!

When something literally happens, it actually happens. If something hasn't happened, literally is not the correct word to use. Don't do it, or you will drive me crazier than I already am.

10 things a paralegal is NOT

From the mail bag, I have the following question from a reader:

What are 10 things a paralegal is not? 

Hey, that's a topic worth exploring! Here's my list:

Know the answers before asking the question: an important lesson

I saw this article floating around Facebook. I'm pretty sure it's not a true story, but it is a good lesson. The article was entitled "When Grandma Goes To Court."

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

Rejection letter

Receiving a rejection letter after a diligent job search is very discouraging in this economy.  If you receive a rejection letter, consider responding with this letter:

Men are underappreciated sometimes!

We all know working moms have quite a schedule, and sometimes I think about how we are able to add a full-time work schedule to our full plates at home without dropping a single ball.

It takes a lot of determination and refusal to accept failure. In fact, failure simply isn't an option, so you make it work. I am lucky enough to have an awesome husband ("TDH") who works harder than I do to maintain our life.  Swimming upstream is so much easier with him.

Last week, TDH was out of town on business and I had the luxury of the single mom experience. I was in late to work all week because I needed to take my kids to school and daycare. So, I emailed my department at work to let everyone know. Half way through the week, I had a brief conversation with B-Dub in the elevator on our way out the door to leave for the day. After some chit chat about my week and TDH's absence, he made this comment: