Monday, November 15, 2010

Then don't ask for my opinion and waste my time!

Secretary X just loves to ask me questions. She stutters the lame questions out of her fat head, and when I tell her what the answer is, she tells me I'm wrong. Why waste my time then, you might ask? Well, I ask myself the same question - daily.  I guess it's because I have to because she's my secretary.  She is such a moron!

One day I told her to make sure she submitted a check for a particular fee with my motion. She told me "In all my 4 years of experience, that's never been the case." (Yep, FOUR years, she is just beyond experienced.) She looked at the court fee schedule, and when she saw I was correct, she still continued to argue with me.
(Maybe moron isn't a strong enough word for her complete lack of reality-based sanity. Accepting suggestions for a better adjective...)

I told her to call the court if she still was unsure. She just took a deep breath and put her head down on her desk. I stood there staring in shock for a moment, then walked away whistling the Hi Ho, Hi Ho theme song from Snow White, then giggled to myself when I finally got back to my desk.

I asked her later what the court told her (hoping to have another reenactment of first grade throwback heads-up 7-up). She told me she didn't call the court and she "doesn't have the time to double guess everything she knows." I said nothing and walked away.

Announce to the entire office that we can all go home for the day because Secretary X knows everything and there is nothing she can't handle. She does have a ton of experience, after all.

Put my head down on her desk and, yep, you guessed it, proudly erect one thumb.

ALTERNATE ENDING #3 (my personal favorite):
Faint in front of her and when I wake up, ask her what her superhero name is and when she gained the power to change state legislation. I'd certainly ask what other super powers she has, just for curiosity's sake.

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