Funny photo

This photo has no legal relevance, but I thought it was funny enough to share...

Joke of the Day: To Comma or Not to Comma

I am one of those people who LOVES to use commas. Commas are pretty much the best punctuation ever invented.  Sometimes, I add a shortened clause just to use a comma.  If I could, I would decorate with commas - everywhere.  I would make art made only of commas.  I dream about going to Comma (that's a special comma land I made up).  If I could give commas for Christmas, you betcha I would.  I think some things I write sound like Captain Kirk's speech.

People like me drive comma haters crazy.  (It's mutual!)  B-Dub is one such comma hater. (He is also a habitual run-on sentence offender, which also drives me crazy.  Yep, he's one of those.)

Here's a recent conversation I had with Scooter (new secretary) about something he drafted:

Grammar and punctuation joke

I ran across this joke the other day and thought it was too good not to share with all my favorite grammar geeks..

Joke of the Day

Here's an oldy, but goody:

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So,then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?

Know the answers before asking the question: an important lesson

I saw this article floating around Facebook. I'm pretty sure it's not a true story, but it is a good lesson. The article was entitled "When Grandma Goes To Court."

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

Joke of the Day: Lawyers smile for photo

How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?

Legal joke: Lawyer IQ

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
A: Your Honor.

 

[Not written by Superlegal.]

Legal joke: New Evidence

Lawyer: "Judge, I wish to appeal my client's case on the basis of newly discovered evidence."

Judge: "And what is the nature of the new evidence?"

Lawyer: "Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left."

[Not written by Superlegal.]

Legal joke: Creative Defense

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

[Not written by Superlegal.]