Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Office Pet Peeves

1. Giving me a deadline without warning or enough time to complete it in the time alotted, especially right before lunch. I gave you the draft last week. That's called [air quotes] "planning ahead" [end air quotes].

2.  Disorganization. I am organized to the Nth degree. My desk is always clean. That does not mean I know where everything is at on YOUR desk. Deal with your own disorganization. Not my problem.

3.  Training associates who think they know everything already. Listen, Associates, it's not that I know EVERYTHING, it's just that I know more than you. You have the degree, and I know how to apply it. Maybe you could at least act like you're listening while you're ignoring what I say. Maybe then I won't be as angry when I have to fix YOUR avoidable errors.

4. Not reading a full string of email. Common sense has left this world. How on Earth can you adequately respond to someone's email without reading the whole thing? You wouldn't make a cake without reading the back of the box, or drive in a foreign city without following all the directions. Sometimes I wish there was a setting in Outlook that made it read emails to attorneys BEFORE they could hit the reply button.

5. That leads me to the next one. I do actually read emails I receive. I do not need anyone to hit send, then run to me and summarize the contents of their email. I speak English, and I actually do quite well in reading comprehension.

6. Procrastination. Here's one of my favorite sayings: "An emergency on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine." Procrastinators like to think they are excellent prioritizers. Not true. My day was already prioritized when you arrived at my desk to pass off your last minute task to me.

7. Talking over other people on a conference call. Egotistical jerks believe everything they have to say is more important than what everyone else needs to say and they talk over other people. It's rude and disrespectful. Also, listen to what is said BEFORE you formulate your response.  Do not chime in with your unfitting opinion without having heard all the facts. Of course, the nice part about conference calls is the silent hand signals.

8. Staff meetings. Waste. Of. My. Time. Staff meetings are usually a way for attorneys to find out what is going on in a file without having to look at the file or endless spreadsheets, reports and memos they require you prepare. Here's an idea, stop golfing and start looking at the files regularly. Better yet, read what I write for you to sign and listen when I give you updates I need to give you so I don't get in trouble for practicing law without a license.

9. Ignoring scheduled appoinments. When I make an appointment for you to meet with me, it's because I've reached my limit for blow-offs and require your attention OR ELSE. Blowing off those appointments is unacceptable. Don't do it.

10. Coworkers who listen in on my phone calls, then proceed to give unnecessary, inappropriate and flat wrong input after the call. YOU ONLY HEARD ONE SIDE OF THE CALL, YOU IDIOT!!
11. Lastly, but most importantly, I hate when coworkers try to pawn off their work on others, or refuse to follow through on tasks. I have enough of my own work, I don't need yours. Also, if you send me an email requesting instruction, that does not make it my task. You are still responsible to follow through with your work.


  1. Number 8.

    So, number 8.

    The two-hour meeting where we get told we haven't done anything because the bullshit *checklists* haven't been completed in the file, and so boss has no idea what's going on in his cases.

  2. Corporate ParalegalMay 25, 2011

    Re #7: This is why I love the mute button!

    Re #10: Oh heck yeah!

    I bet you could do an entire blog on just law firm/department pet peeves.

  3. God, I HATE MEETINGS!!! I think I have a billion posts on my blog about how much I hate them.
    In order to keep my sanity in meetings, I run different scenarios in my head on how I can kill the speaker with only using the objects in the room.
    I have become very creative with an eraser :)

    Paralegal Hell

  4. Here's my list: