Awesome Email from Secretary X, Part 3

Here's another awesome email exchange yesterday with Secretary X.  Note: rescheduling a trial is HER job, which she decided she would assign to me yesterday for some unknown reason.   It's funny, she is MY secretary and she is now assigning HER work to ME.  What is wrong with this picture?   [MY COMMENTS ARE IN CAPS.]
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To: Superlegal
From: Secretary X
Please coordinate and handle trial reset, if it is going to be reset.
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[CAN I GET YOU A CUP OF COFFEE AND SCHEDULE YOU A MASSAGE WHILE I'M AT IT?]
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To: Secretary X
From: Superlegal
It's my understanding that there is a conflict with the ABC v. XYZ case and that Associate already talked to you about getting it reset. Is that not the case? This needs to be dealt with ASAP to avoid an ex parte appearance to reset.
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[ASSOCIATE HAS BEEN TELLING HER TO DO IT FOR MONTHS AND MOST RECENTLY LAST WEEK DUE TO THE CONFLICT WITH THE ABC V. XYZ TRIAL. SHE HAS TWO DAYS LEFT TO DO IT.]
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To: Superlegal
From:  Secretary X
It is not a conflict with the ABC v. XYZ case. And I can't deal with it ASAP. Maybe opposing counsel can since he failed to do so last time.
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[WELL, SHE'S WRONG. THERE IS A CONFLICT. I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW SHE DOESN'T THINK THERE IS A CONFLICT WHEN THE SAME ATTORNEY HAS TWO TRIALS SCHEDULED ON THE SAME DAY. DOES B-DUB HAVE A CLONE I'M NOT AWARE OF?]

(SUPER-ASSOCIATE COMES TO THE RESCUE [INSERT AWESOME SUPERHERO MUSIC HERE -- DUH, DUH DUH DUH, DUH DUH DUH DUH!!!])
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To: Secretary X
From: Associate
Superlegal cannot bill to reschedule the trial. Please contact opposing counsel and find a mutual trial date so that we can get a date certain trial date. Then, please get the trial reset. Thanks.
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[THANK YOU, ASSOCIATE, FOR EXPLAINING TO SECRETARY WHY IT'S HER JOB IN THE FIRST PLACE. NOT THAT IT WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE, BUT IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER TO HAVE SOMEONE ON MY SIDE BACKING ME UP AGAINST THE EVIL THAT IS SECRETARY X.]
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To: Associate
From: Secretary X
I can't get into this for awhile because I am too backed up. I don't see billing is an issue.
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[TRANSLATION: ASSOCIATE OR SUPERLEGAL NEED TO DO IT IN THE NEXT TWO DAYS, OR ASSOCIATE WILL HAVE TO MAKE A COURT APPEARANCE AT EX PARTE TO RESET THE TRIAL.]
[ALSO, SECRETARY X DOESN'T SEE BILLING AS AN ISSUE BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T BILL HER TIME. SHE DOESN'T HAVE A BILLABLE HOUR REQUIREMENT TO MEET. SHE WON'T LOSE HER JOB IF SHE DOESN'T MAKE THE YEARLY REQUIREMENT. RIDICULOUS!!]
[LAST THING: SHE PROBABLY CAN'T DO IT ASAP BECAUSE SHE TOOK A ---FOUR---HOUR---LUNCH---- YESTERDAY. NEED I SAY MORE?]