Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Job offer and a dis

Today, I met with B-Dub for some much-needed face time to remind him about all the things he hasn't done, and the two things he MUST get done.

Co-counsel on our biggest case was sitting in his office. We'll just call him Jack. Jack said to me, right in front of B-Dub, "I just want to tell you Josh (his Associate) and I think you're doing a great job on this big case, and if you're ever looking for a job, please give me a call."

I looked at B-Dub, who was obviously in some state of shock and awe at the guts of Jack, a visitor in HIS office, who just tried to steal his awesome, fantastic, under-paid, over-achieving Paralegal.

I promptly piped-up and asked for a few weeks off. I can recognize a negotiating opportunity when it walks into B-Dub's office in a three-piece suit.

Jokingly, B-Dub educated visitor Jack in the ways of oppressing staff and keeping them busy enough that they don't have time to look for another job. I wonder if B-Dub knew he was the only one of the three of us who was joking.

He then went on to tell visiting Jack how all of my predecessors had been fired in rapid succession and he'll "just have to see how [I] work out."

Are you kidding me? Is B-Dub seriously so insecure that he needs to demean me to a potential future employer? Astonished, I glared at him and changed the subject. Visitor Jack recognizes how awesome I am, that's what mattered.

I'm beginning to think I need to covertly start pranking him. Here are my prank ideas:

1. Prop-up his desk on one side so everything starts falling off one side;

2. Adjust his chair to be shorter slowly over the course of a month;

3. Slap a "lawyers suck" sign on his back on his way out the door to a hearing;

4. Black food coloring in his coffee to stain his mouth, then tell him he may be contageous and we should probably leave for the day.

5. Remove all pens from his office every morning before he arrives.

6. Place fish parts in the overhead vent and in his lights so they start to smell over time.

What other great pranks do y'all have to play on bosses?

It's too bad visitor Jack's firm is a three hour drive from my house.


  1. No prank ideas, just wanted to say your boss is a total asshat.
    What a jerk!
    Paralegal Hell

  2. Oh, my... from the looks of the length of that list of pranks, you have been thinking for a LONG time --in detail--about what you could do to him....

    Yet another reminder to stay on your good side...

  3. SuperlegalMarch 15, 2011

    @PH: No joke, he is one. I couldn't believe he would say those things in front of me. Ridiculous!

    @Mom: actually, those just occurred to me as I was writing the blog. I would have added more, but I reached my train stop too soon. Stay on my good side, yes. Stay away from my office, double yes!

  4. I vote for 2, 4, and 5!!

    -Baby Paralegal

  5. SuperlegalMarch 16, 2011

    Alright, Baby Paralegal, I'm with you. Now I just need to plan the attack!!

  6. Switch his mouse buttons so that the left right-clicks and the right left-clicks.

  7. @Anonymous: Awesome!! Love that one!