Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Guess what's NOT on my bucket list?

I've been composing my bucket list lately. It's not a life crisis, just want to make sure I have some goals in order and I make the most of the breaths I have. Really, they're just life goals.

So, that got me to thinking: do you know what's not on my bucket list? These things:

  1. Dealing with every client's problems as if they weren't asking for it (strictly talking defense, everyone cares about plaintiffs' problems).

  2. Bugging people repeatedly to give me documents they promised me forever ago, then wasting my time asking me to explain (a) why they have to pay me to respond to a motion to compel; or (b) why they have to respond to my motion to compel if they already promised they would get me the docs before the hearing. Oh yes, I've visited that fairy tale everyone-is-irrational-but-me land many, many times.

  3. Exhausting myself beyond exhaustion, only to be told I need to work on my billable hours. Dear Partners: I have NO goal to kill myself to make the law firm money. (My firm's paralegal billable requirement is higher than most associate requirements in my state.)

  4. Entertaining your clients like a sock monkey. Hands are where?

  5. Carrying all your trial boxes to court while you use the attorney entrance and I take the 20 boxes through the metal detectors. (I know, surprising, right?)

  6. Covering your calls while you work on your golf handicap. That's just par for the course, right? (Yuck, yuck!)

  7. Summarizing ONE SENTENCE emails I sent you eight times.

  8. Solving your staffing problems by repeatedly reporting what is plainly in front of you. Tell you what, next time you just let me fire people, it's more efficient than this back and forth you do with employees who refuse to change. Cool? No? Then don't ask me for my opinion anymore and ignore what I tell you with your tail between your legs. I'd rather save those breaths for something that matters.

  9. Calendaring crap because Secretary refuses to take responsibility for calendaring the "important" dates incorrectly. Just a thought... learn the _____ing statutes and court rules and calendar them correctly!

  10. Cleaning your desk so you can meet with a client in your office without embarrassment. (Well, without embarrassment about your cleanliness, at least!)

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