Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Top 10 ways to get fired

First, please understand, this list was created by Beverly West at Monster. I didn't come up with these, so no hate mail. This is worthy of reposting, only because I can comment on how ridiculous it is that someone actually was paid to come up with this list of actions that will result in getting fired. I guess it could be useful guidance for someone without any work ethics.

1. Lying on Your Job Application or Resume

I had no idea they would fire you for that. Well, I guess I better break into the HR director's filing cabinet, steal my old resume and replace it with an accurate one. Then, I won't get fired.

2. Being Indiscreet About Your Job Hunt

I tend to disagree with this one. Announcing your eventual departure in advance of your resignation makes employers look for someone to fill that gap quickly. If the new person is available sooner, you bet your socks you'll have about 40 hours more free time to spend at Monster.com. (Perhaps this article is a marketing ploy for Monster.)

3. Gossiping

How else will the world go 'round? Gossip is a necessity, like breathing, to some people - some unemployed people that is.

4. Taking Too Many Personal Calls

Secretary X and JD are repeat offenders, and their calls can be heard around the office sometimes. Based on that, I firmly believe you will, in fact, not be fired for personal calls.

5. Drinking at Work

Hold that bottle just one minute. You mean to tell me that my liquid sanity will get me fired? I just don't know quite how to feel about this, Monster.com. I guess I need to go to everyone's desk and dump their liquid sanity down the sink. The firm couldn't function if everyone got fired, right. I'm doing everyone a big favor.

6. Surfing the Web Excessively

Excessively is subjective. You should probably ask your employer how many hours of web surfing is acceptable so that you don't cross that line.

7. Becoming Romantically Involved with the Boss

Gross. Just gross.

8. Forgetting to Double-Check Your Figures

I like to check mine in the office windows as I walk down the hall, and in the full-length mirror in the women's restroom.

9. Alienating Your Coworkers

Evidently, you will not get fired for this at my firm. In fact, you can alienate coworkers, assault them with keyboards, and no call-no show, and there will be no consequences whatsoever. It's an art, brought to you by Secretary X. She should probably write a column for monster.com.

10. Pointing the Finger at Everyone but Yourself

But it's THEIR fault, who else are you going to blame?

(Link to full article: http://career-advice.monster.com/in-the-office/workplace-issues/10-ways-to-get-fired/article.aspx)

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