Monday, July 18, 2011

Jersey Shore is ba-ack!

I know I will lose respect for this post, but I'm going to do it anyways!

I am somewhat addicted to the little autonomous universe New Jersey has created. They have their own style, language, social mores, and now, their own TV shows. MTV has adopted the little universe for their own little cash cow, featuring a variety of shows, including roommates, wedding dress shops and salons.  I got hooked on the original "reality" show called "Jersey Shore," based somewhat on a "Real World" premise.

Back in the day, I would watch Real World and Road Rules. They were great shows until it became apparent that the cast members were getting bonus dog treats for tricks and stunts based nowhere in reality. Listen, I KNOW these shows are not reality. The entertainment value for me comes only from how convincing the cast members are.

So, how does this relate to the law, you might ask? Well, it doesn't really. However, this is my blog, so I'm going to make it. Here are some common Jersey slang terms and phrases and my own (slightly legal) definition tweaked from other definitions:

BOYFRIEND: a male who engages in a shortened "meretricious" relationship lasting several days to one week before the relationship ends based on inevitable unfaithful irreconcilable differences.

JUICEHEAD/ GUIDO: A multi-faceted stereotypical term for an urban Italian-American.  Originally, it was used as a demeaning term for Italian-Americans in general. More recently, it has come to refer to Italians who conduct themselves as thugs with an overtly macho attitude. Indeed, guidos easily find themselves as a respondent in a number of paternity suits.

DTF: [Not family friendly]… "Down to have extramarital "fun" without consideration of liabilty and damages.

Mint: Nicely dressed and smelling nice, like any good lawyer should.

Grenade: female with fewer physical attributes than other females and less likely to be damaged under DTF terms.

Extraction: A tactical separation of the attractive friend from the grenade in an attempt to cash in on DTF potential.

Zoo: Multitude of grenades.

Fist Pump: A dance move used to show excitement at clubs

GTL ("Gym, Tan, Laundry"): An acronym that stands for the daily beauty regimen of going to the gym, tanning and doing laundry to consistently look mint.

Juiced: Extremely muscular, often through the use of illegal steroids.

Robbery: Theft of another male's most recent female conquest.

Vibe: To be attracted to another person.

T-shirt Time: A male beauty regimen which includes changing t-shirts to look mint immediately preceding a night at the club.

Busted: to describe an unattractive or undesirable female.

The next season of Jersey Shore was filmed in the homeland, Italy.   If you're like me, you'll be glued to your screen shamelessly, and hoping no one notices.

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